Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well!
Today’s post is going back to my old school roots, and it’s a bit of a ranty/rambling post, all about relationships, what is and isn’t okay, and saying no, setting boundaries, and not allowing bad behaviour.
There’s a very important post connected to all of this that I want to share someday, but at the moment it’s just not the right time unfortunately so I’ll save it for a later date.
I wanted to write this post because in the 3 and a half years of having my blog (cor that’s a long time) I’ve shared with you the ups and downs of my love life (or lack of, at times), the good and bad times, being taken and being single, and I feel like I’ve learnt a few bits, that are worth sharing.
Let’s get going and talk about the first thing on the agenda…
What makes a relationship shitty, you ask? Well, if you’ve got to question if yours is, it probably is.
Relationships are no walk in the park; they take consistent and constant effort on both sides. You are meant to be a team, and make each other feel loved and wanted. I know that you can’t be like that all the time. I know that sometimes, or a lot of the time in fact, your other half will annoy the living shit out of you, piss you off and drive you up the wall. They will leave their socks on the floor instead of putting them in the wash bin, they will forget your anniversary or upset you in an argument. No relationship is perfect and they all require hard work. However, if your partner makes you unhappy more than they make you happy, if they constantly go too far in an argument, if they care more about going out and getting pissed then spending time with you and making your relationship work, if they call you horrible names, and make no effort…it’s a shitty relationship, and they’re not the person for you.
Not all relationships start out shit; sometimes people get comfortable and things go to shit. It’s life. However, some people just don’t give a fuck about other peoples feelings and set out intentionally to hurt them.
Boundaries & What’s Not Okay
You need to have boundaries in a relationship, and in every other aspect of your life. You have to set your own boundaries and work out what you will and wont accept.
There should be some basic-level boundaries that everyone sets out in a relationship; abuse, mental, physical, sexual, or any other kind of abuse should not be tolerated. Bullying, name calling, nasty comments, manipulation, and purposely trying to hurt your loved one are not acceptable behaviours and if someone, least of all the person you’re in a relationship with, treats you like that, you need to walk away.
I know it’s easier said than done; I’ve been there and done that in terms of being with someone who treats me awfully for way longer than I should have been, but now I know how to recognise those behaviours and warning signs, I would never stick around for it to happen again.
Warning Signs Of An Abusive, Controlling, Or Just Downright Shitty Relationship
Sometimes there are warning signs, sometimes there aren’t; a lot of people are very good at hiding their true selves until they feel comfortable in their relationship, but there are a few key things to look out for.
- Do they insult you a lot, and make comments about your looks and weight that are completely serious, and are meant to make you feel bad?
- Do they say horrible things in fights, about how they haven’t been in love with you for a long time, or how no one else will want you?
- Are they controlling, telling you what to wear, who to be friends with, and where to go?
- Do they care more about going out and getting drunk with their friends all the time than seeing you?
- Do they physically harm you?
- Are they more concerned with manipulating you into staying with them, than improving your relationship?
- Are they mentally controlling?
There are so many things that are warning signs of someone being abusive, controlling, or just plain shit. I’m going to share a more personal blog post at some point this year that will hopefully help some of you, but for now I wanted to talk to share this post, just to touch on the surface of bad relationships, in all senses of the word.
Remember that you’re never alone, and there’s always somewhere to turn if you’re in a relationship like this. You don’t need someone in your life who treats you like shit and couldn’t care less about your feelings and welfare. The person you choose to be your partner, should care about your wellbeing, and want only your happiness and what’s best for you. If you have someone in your life who doesn’t want what’s best for you…you should really question their place in your life!
I am going to do a more in depth post about domestic abuse, but I just wanted to touch on it in this post, and focus broadly on all kinds of unhealthy relationships.
Speak to you soon.
All my love BGP xx