Dear BGP | ”I’m Struggling To Love Myself”

”Dear BGP,

So recently things have gotten on top of me. Life keeps knocking me down and it’s kind of knocked all my confidence and self love I have for myself.

I look in the mirror and just want to cry. I’m constantly feeling like pretty girls look at me and want to laugh because I’m so ‘basic’, so I try very hard to better my appearance.

I don’t like the person I am. Not because I’ve done things that are bad, I always try to be a good person. I just don’t know what I like, what things make me, me!

Don’t get me wrong I paint a smile on and pretend I’m okay with everything but I just don’t know what steps to take in loving the body and person I am.

I can’t remember the last time I actually laughed properly.

Any advice?”

Hi there,

This made me so sad to read! No one should ever feel like this, and feel so low about themselves.

I completely understand why and how you’ve gotten to this point; when nothing seems to be going right in life, it can really knock your self confidence and make you not like what you see in the mirror each day.

I’m a firm believer in the hippy dippy belief of sending as much positivity out into the Universe that you can, and eventually it will make its way back to you.

Also, you never realise how you beautiful you actually are! I have a friend that doesn’t really wear makeup, and I always think how amazing she looks, yet she always says she looks a state, and it amazes me, as I sit thinking ‘Cor I wish I looked like that without makeup!’. Everyone is their own biggest critic, never their biggest fan. You will always be unkind to yourself, it’s just a fact of life that everyone tells themselves horrible things.

Trying to ‘better your appearance’ might be an endless battle that you never win, because they’ll always be something you want to ‘tweak’ just like with all of us! How do YOU feel the most comfortable? When you’re tanned, or just leave your skin naturally? With darker hair or lighter? In jeans or a dress? Whichever it is, do it. Don’t try and do things just because you think it’s going to make you happy, or because it’s how other people look. Try and work out which look makes you feel the happiest on the inside, and go with that one.

I saw a quote the other day that said something like ‘How long would you stay friends with someone that treated you the way you treat yourself, and said the things to you that you say about yourself?’. Not very long, is probably the answer for all of us!

I can absolutely guarantee you that no girl would ever laugh at you for looking ‘basic’ as you call it, which I can also guarantee you’re not! Not any girl who is worth a second of worrying about anyway – anyone with morals and a brain would never dream of doing that. We all have days where we feel crap, or we’re having an especially bad skin day, our hair doesn’t go right, and we shove on any old thing and we feel like everyone is looking at us.

Truthfully, no one looks and certainly no one laughs. I once fretted to my boyfriend about going out looking shit, and he turned to me and said ‘I mean this in the nicest way possibly; no one cares about you or what you look like’. He didn’t mean ‘no one cares about me’ as in my friends and family, but he meant out and about on the street, everyone is going about their own business and really only cares about what’s going on in their own lives.

It’s easier said than done to practice self love and loving the way you look and feel about yourself (I struggle a lot of the time too!), but you’ve got to try, otherwise you’ll end up so down.

Write down your 5 favourite things about yourself, looks and personality. You even said yourself, you’re a good person – that’s more than a lot of people can say about themselves! There are people that will walk past you in the street and think how beautiful you are, and how lovely you look, and how much they like your outfit, and think it in their heads which is a shame as most people, myself included, get too nervous to go up and compliment someone face to face.

At the end of each day, when you’re about to go to sleep, try and list 5 things in your head that you are grateful for, or 5 good things that happened today. It really help give you a sense of perspective and realise that there are lots of great things in your life, that your brain is blocking out at the moment because you’re feeling so down.

You’re more loved than you could ever imagine, and you need to try your absolute best to be kinder to yourself. This is the person you’re stuck with your whole life, and the easier thing to do is to make best friends with her, and become her biggest fan!

There are lots of things that make you, you, and it will become clearer as you get older; a lot of people when they’re young, even when they’re in their late twenties or older, are unsure of who exactly they are. Everyone ends up working it out, and owning who they are. Because you will find someone who loves your quirks and the things that make you unique; when I was at school I hated who I was because I was a bookworm and loved reading and writing, and I thought it made me a weirdo because I didn’t really like ‘hanging around town’, and I thought that no boy would ever fancy me because I was ‘different’.

Well, years later (many years later!), I’ve met someone who loves me exactly because of that.

The people in your life need to understand that you’re going through a difficult time and support you and be there for you; if the people in your life aren’t being supportive, then you need new people!

Bumble BFF is a great app for meeting friends, it’s like Tinder but for girl friends, and maybe meeting some new people who you have no history with, would be a good way to get you back to being yourself. I know how hard it is to make new friends when you’re an adult, because you’re not at school and it’s like well…where do I meet them?!

Please know that this will pass; you will not feel like this forever! When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, and sometimes you just need to stand up, look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘RIGHT; I only have one life, and right now I’m miserable. I am going to do things that make ME happy, whether that’s joining a gym so that I feel more body confident, or eating that piece of cake in the fridge downstairs, or dumping my boyfriend because he makes me unhappy, I’m going to do it, because I’m the most important person in my life’.

I hope that you get back to loving yourself soon, because you’re so worthy of it, and you deserve to be happy just like everyone else does.

All my love BGP xx

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