Dear BGP | ”I’m Feeling Glum About My Long Distance Relationship”

”Dear BGP,

I’ve been in a long distance relationship the past 8 months. I live in Ireland, he is living in America. It has been hard but I broke it off yesterday due to nothing being definite, such as talks of him moving home for Christmas but it was always a maybe, never a definitive yes.

I know it was the right decision to make for myself as the relationship was going nowhere but I still feel myself feeling glum and a bit blue about the situation as I had to put so much effort into keeping it going and he didn’t even fight to keep it going.

Some advice would be greatly appreciated.”

Hi,

Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling down about a relationship ending; 8 months is a long amount of time to be in a relationship with someone, especially one that requires a lot of work and has obviously been quite emotionally, and physically draining.

Long distance relationships are extremely difficult to keep going, and require an equal amount of work from both parties, and if one party lacks that effort, then it can be a downward spiral.

Don’t get down about what another person lacked; you can’t force effort from someone and you can’t force them to do what you’d like, which in this case was to make the relationship work, and make decisions; that was through no fault of your own, and you couldn’t control what he did, so you need to try and accept that you did all you could, and therefore not have any regrets.

If he comes back, promising to make more effort and make changes, then it’s up to you what you decide to do; but if all you hear is silence, then feel at peace with the fact you did all you could, you fought to make it work, and that you’ll find someone who deserves you and doesn’t drain you of energy. What’s meant to be will be, and this may just be one of those situations that wasn’t.

Keep yourself busy, see friends and family, get invested in a good book, bake – whatever it is that takes your mind off things and helps you to see there’s a life after him, do it. Don’t let yourself sit at home upset and on your own, tempted to message him.

Be strong and keep going.

All my love BGP xx

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