I hope you’re all well.
So, I wanted to do a blog post about something that has happened to most of us, and if it hasn’t, it probably will; going back to your ex. Just like all my chatty, relationship/love/breakups and all that other stuff blog posts, it’s quite a rambling one, but you seem to like those kind of posts, so here we go!
There’s nothing wrong with going back to your ex; that is, if your ex didn’t really do anything too bad, you simply split up because it wasn’t working, you’ve realised you wanna be together, and bam.
However, that isn’t what usually happens. What usually happens, is our ex is a toxic area of our life, that we seem to get pulled back to by some unseen magnetic field, and we can’t get away from them.
Each time they show us their true colours, yet we keep on going back and going back. Sometimes we don’t even physically go back, we just keep going back mentally, and not letting ourselves get over them.
There’s no shame in going back to your ex, even if it is time and time again. We’ve all said ‘That’s it, I’m done, absolutely 100% done, there’s no going back’. And then, you’re hurt, you’re upset, you miss them and the consistency and the regularity of the situation and how comfortable you are with them, and then you get a text one day, or usually one night (can you call ‘night’ 4am on a Saturday?), saying they miss you, want to see you, asking you to come round.
And, in the words of our gal Dua Lipa, you know it’s only because he’s drunk and alone.
However, there is something completely and utterly wrong with continuing to put yourself through stress, anxiety, upset, hurt and probably a bit of betrayal too (when it comes to exes, you can sometimes get a strong intuition you’re not the only girl on the scene). Why do you deserve that shit? You do everything you can to make them happy, and you desperately try to convince them that you’re worthy of them and of your relationship, yet they do nothing to prove that they’re worthy of you.
Unfortunately, as much as we all don’t want to hear it, they’re not going to change, at least not anytime soon, and they won’t be changed by us. If they were going to be, they would be by now.
That’s not even the point though; why should you have to change someone into not being a piece of shit? They should just quite simply, not be a piece of shit.
Exes are dangerous territory, because there’s lots of old feelings, and a part of you probably still cares about them, or why else would you keep on going back? However, chances are, they don’t care about you, otherwise you wouldn’t be in this difficult situation of wanting a fairytale with them, wanting everything to be perfect, to forget all the shit that’s happened between the two of you, and for them to start being a lovely, caring person who doesn’t mess you around anymore, not text you for a week at a time and then suddenly pop up as if nothing’s happened.
It’s time to cut that toxic ex out your life once and for all; maybe they’re not even toxic, and it’s just the situation that is. Sometimes two people can care about each other, and be good people, but a ‘relationship’ can turn into a vicious cycle of makeup and breakups, tearful goodbyes and a few happy times when you’re reunited and things seem okay for a while, only for it to all go to shit again.
Walking on eggshells constantly is no way to live; scared to bring up any issues in case they kick off and tell you that they ‘knew it wasn’t working’ and blame you for being too sensitive, for being a ‘physcho’ and imagining things.
You need to be able to say what you feel when you feel it, to communicate, and not be afraid of everything shattering after one simple discussion about your relationship.
Going back to an ex time and time again, with late night meet ups, texting and snapchatting, blocking each other, unblocking each other, deleting numbers, unfriending and re-adding, a few hours of happy, drunken conversations where you feel like maybe this is it and you can make it work this time, only for it to all be forgotten the next day, is not you living a happy life. It’s toxic, it drains you of mental and physical energy, and it’s time to nip it in the bud.
Block them for good, and mean it this time. Delete photos, clear your head of them, keep busy with friends, family and hobbies, and things that don’t drain you, but build you, and make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Stop going back to your ex; stop re-reading the last chapter, just simply close the book and start a whole new one. That is how you will be happy, I promise.
All my love BGP xx