(A little bone deciding to stick out my knee soz)
Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well!
A bit different to advice, beauty, or food, but today, I wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind for a very long time; sexual assault in nightclubs and bars.
I’m going to jump straight into it, and not be backwards in coming forwards, because it’s an important topic.
I ran a number of polls on Twitter the other day, and I want to share the results with you and discuss them.
The first one, was this; Have you ever been groped or inappropriately touched (sexually assaulted) in a nightclub or bar? 2,892 people answered, with 85% of people answering Yes, and 15% answering No. Please note that this received a lot more participants because it was retweeted by a lot of people.
Next, I asked If you have been groped/inappropriately touched in a club/bar and told security, did they take it seriously? 601 people answered this, with 20% voting Yes, and 80% answering No.
The next one, was If you’ve been groped/inappropriately touched in a club/bar and told security, did they throw the person/people out? 350 people answered, with 17% voting Yes, and 83% answering No.
I then asked, When being inappropriately touched/groped in a club/bar, if you’ve hit the person who did it in defence, have you been thrown out? 37% of people voted Yes, 63% voted No.
Now, to start with, I’m not saying these polls are conclusive of everything going on in every club and bar in the UK or the world; I am not saying that men are the only perpetrators, as I know that there are women who inappropriately touch men, men who inappropriately touch women, men to men, and women to women. It happens in all kinds of ways.
However, I am talking from personal experience in this post, and the experiences shared by friends, family and messages I’ve received from lots of you, and most of those were from women, who have experienced being sexually assaulted by men in clubs.
Please, to any men reading this, I am not for one second saying that this represents you. The vast majority of men (and people for that matter) would never dream of touching someone without their permission, and they are embarrassed by the thought of anyone of their gender doing it and misrepresenting them. We all know that it is only a certain breed of people who do these things, and no one thinks it is ‘all men’ or ‘all women’. I really don’t want to offend anyone in this post and I don’t want anyone to think I’m targeting their specific gender etc because I’m not, I am simply saying that I’ve only experienced men touching me in clubs, so I can’t speak from experience on women doing it etc.
This post is specifically about sexual assault in clubs, not rapes, which are absolutely horrific and disgraceful, and I’m so sorry to any of you and to anyone that’s experienced that. I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about people that have been the victim of rape, it’s just that I’m concentrating solely on sexual assault in bars and clubs in this post.
Anyway, with that out the way, I’m angry.
I’m angry because there are people, that think they can go around, slapping peoples arses (no, I’m not going to mince my words), sticking their hands up peoples dresses/skirts, cupping their private parts and one of the most sickening of all, inserting a finger inside them. Yes, this happens in bars and clubs.
For some reason, there are many people out there who wouldn’t go and slap someones bum in broad daylight in the street, but once it gets past 11pm and it’s on a dark, busy dancefloor, they think there’s an ‘Access All’ sign on every ones back and that they can stroll up to a girl dancing with her friends, and shove a hand up their skirt, squeeze their bum, ping their thong.
Why? Why do they think this is okay? They think it’s a laugh, a joke, a way to show off in front of their mates and seem cool, show power. When actually, it’s fucking sexual assault. It’s a crime. No, it’s not an accidental brush pass, it’s not a friendly flirt, you’re not asking for my number, because quite frankly I don’t care about any of those things. I couldn’t care less if someone wants to try and dance with you, flirt, ask you out. You can do that, that’s fine. Don’t for one second, though, think you can smack someones bum, cup them somewhere that you absolutely should not be, put your hand inside their clothing.
It’s disgusting, it’s inappropriate, and it’s a criminal offence.
The other people at fault here, are the people who have the absolute power to throw them out, to get it investigated further, and don’t; the security.
I have had some great experiences with security in the past, who have thrown the person out, spoken to them, done whatever; but I’ve also had a hell of a lot of experiences, like a lot of you also have, where they just don’t give a shit. They laugh it off, ignore it, tell you to go away, get over it, and basically give the person a pat on the back.
Why is this? If you tell them you’ve been punched in the face, or a fights broken out, then it’s taken seriously; people get banned for life, chucked out, police get called. However, if someone has inserted a finger inside you, grabbed your bum, cupped your vagina/penis…it’s fine? Nothing gets done, no one cares, there’s no issues, everyone is left to get on with their lives.
I have been in a situation, and many of you have too from the results of the poll, where I have been grabbed, groped, touched in a disgusting way, and I have hit the person who’s done it. No, I don’t condone violence 99.9% of the time, I would never, ever like to hit someone unless I was in danger, however, if I’ve just been sexually assaulted, I feel like I am in danger, so yes, I will defend myself. And I’ve been thrown out.
I’ve been sexually assaulted, slapped someone to get them away from me, and then been thrown out aggressively…because of course, it’s always the victims fault.
How many times, alongside that, have you shouted at the person who’s touched you, pushed them away, only to be called frigid, a slag, a slut, a stuck up bitch, every name under the sun. You’ve embarrassed them in front of their friends, bruised their egos, made them feel like every single person in the world isn’t lusting after them, and therefore, even though clearly they were more than interested 45 seconds ago, you’re now the most disgusting person in the world, who shouldn’t flatter themselves, who they weren’t interested in anyway, who’s a whore, a slapper anyway.
Of course you are.
I’m so sick of it. I am so absolutely downright sick of people thinking they have the rights to someone elses body.
No means no.
And nothing means no too.
If someone does not say that you have permission to touch them in that way, then you don’t.
You do not have permission to touch anyone, ever, unless they’ve said it’s okay.
Stop touching people, stop groping people, stop sexually assaulting people, whether it’s broad daylight or in a dark nightclub. Stop thinking that because someone brushes past you on the way to their bar, that it means you can have a quick squeeze of their bum, a quick grope under their dress.
And security, you need to start taking this more seriously. Sexual assaults are happening in bars and clubs every single night and not enough is being done. People need to feel safe, and to be honest, not a lot of people do on nights out anymore.
You take physical violence seriously, so start taking sexual assaults seriously too please, because we won’t stand for it any longer.
Speak soon everyone.
All my love BGP xx