Hi everyone! I hope you’re all well.
My chatty, advice, life ranting posts are some of my most popular, and I actually get a lot of messages every day from the ladies who read my blog asking for advice on things (Honestly, if only you knew what a shambles my own life was…it’s literally the blind leading the blind!), so I thought I’d write a new post for you all, that I hope will cheer some of you up, whatever you’re going through right now.
I’ve had some pretty bad break ups in my time; things in my life don’t seem to happen by halves, so when something happens, it’s usually like a tsunami rather than a small wave – I’m sure a lot of you feel the same about your own lives!
I was in a long term relationship that ended a long time ago, which had many an up and down, and I was left feeling completely desolate. I thought my life was over. How would I ever be happy again? How would I ever meet anyone again, that I loved like I loved him? What on earth would I do when he found someone new? How was I going to eat, sleep, get on with life, when everything had gone to total shit? I genuinely thought that my life was over – it was like there was a dark fog and I couldn’t see past it, like there was nothing ahead of me, just darkness.
Maybe that sounds dramatic, but anyone who’s gone through a break up, or is going through one, will understand what I mean. It is literally like you’re grieving – I don’t mean to offend anyone that’s lost a loved one, I’m not saying it’s like that – I just mean, you’re experiencing a loss, and you’re grieving the loss of that person from your life as you knew it, and the loss of the relationship.
The emptiness you feel during a break up is unimaginable. You wake up every single day, not remembering what’s happened, and then it hits you, and you feel it all over again. Your brain stops functioning in a logical manner, and you correlate your entire happiness with that person. You’ve forgotten about all the times you were happy before them, and you can’t imagine you’ll ever be happy again without them in your life. You cannot physically remember a time when you didn’t love them and desperately want to be with them, and crave their company.
Here’s the thing though, and the whole point to this blog post…you need to remember life without them. You need to remember it, really, really well, because there was a life without them, and you were perfectly fine. You got up every day, and you went about your life, and I can bet you laughed and joked and were happy, and did things for yourself.
I’m not saying it’s easy, because it sure as hell isn’t; I can honestly hold my hands up and say that break ups have been some of the most truly traumatic experiences of my life. Maybe that makes me sound like I’ve lived a sheltered life with no pain or misfortune; I have, I have experienced serious illness, and death, and horrible times. Not as much so as a lot of people, but I’ve experienced bad things like everyone has, however I genuinely feel like the loss of a relationship is up there with some of the most painful things you can go through.
We all think that our ‘Fairytale Ending’, is finding our dream partner and being swept off our feet, and living this perfect life with them. Magical engagement, marriage, house, kids, dog. What about if actually, you can create your own Fairytale Ending to a relationship, by going on to live your best possible life, and doing all the things you’ve always dreamed of doing?
Having a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a husband, wife, partner, whatever, doesn’t make you a whole person; they add to your life, they don’t make your life. In all honesty, the only person who can give you that Fairytale Ending, is you; relying on someone else for your happiness is never going to make for a happy life, because you may not always have that person, but you’ve always got yourself.
I’m not saying that someone can’t make you happy, or happier, because they can, but you need to start creating your own happiness yourself, because if not, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.
Like I said, I know how hard it is, and when you’re in the midst of such a painful and difficult thing, you can’t foresee a time when you’ll ever be happy or whole again (Atomic Kitten eat your heart out) – but you will. Just give it time, and as I always say, stop being so hard on yourself.
Have your time of crying, eating all of the Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food, watching The Holiday on repeat, and sending 786 Whatsapps to your friends in the space of an hour about how you can’t cope. And then, after you’ve done that, get up, show up, and never give up. Put some lipstick on, stand up tall, and don’t take anyone’s shit. YOU’VE GOT THIS.
All my love BGP xx