1) PMS – You’ve cried over stubbing your toe and dropping a Hula Hoop on the floor, and your boyfriends just asked what you want for dinner and you’re screaming ‘I’M SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE, ABSOLUTELY SICK OF IT’. And then 24 hours later, you start getting that horrible feeling in your lower stomach and you realise with relief that it’s simply Mother Nature paying you your monthly visit.
2) The Feeling Of Taking Your Underwear Off – There’s no feeling like taking off your bra and knickers. Men will never understand how uncomfortable a strip of lacy sitting inside you for 9 and a half hours is. And as for bras – they’re tight, the straps dig in, and when it’s hot all you want is to just be free and cool again. A woman taking her underwear off is simply idyllic.
3) Taking Your Makeup Off – You’re lying in bed, it’s 9 o’clock at night and you’re watching a crime drama on BBC iPlayer. But you also have 34 products on your face that urgently need to be taken off, but the motivation for doing that is absolutely 0.
4) The Hairdressers – When a girl goes in to the hairdressers, it’s not usually a quick visit. A full head of highlights, a trim, a conditioning treatment – you end up staring at yourself for 5 hours and inspecting every inch of your face. Are my eyes too close together? God my brows need a pluck. Okay, what on earth is going on with that under the skin spot on my right cheek? Have I always been this unattractive? Is there something wrong with this mirror?
5) Knicker Selection – Females have 3 types of knickers in their drawer. Special occasion knickers, that are jewel coloured with lace and bows and cut out sections. Everyday knickers, which are generally a black thong, or a simply French knicker, or a big pair that have a reasonably pretty pattern. And then, hidden away, are a whole different ball game of knickers. These are known as the Period Knickers. They are the size of swimming shorts, big, saggy, greying, with faded patterns and droopy waistbands. There are huge black pairs, that not even the heaviest period could get through. There are knickers you’ve owned for 6 years and are so old that the shop name has rubbed off the label.
6) Shaving – A horrendous activity which is put off by every single girl until the very last minute. It’s boring, you cut yourself, it’s time consuming, and for some reason, there’s always bits that you miss, particularly your knees – we shave our knees, yet the hair doesn’t come off. What’s even the point? Let’s make hairy legs a trend. Oh, and when we shave certain parts, we get a shaving rash and ingrown hairs. God, it’s so fun being a woman.
7) Waking Up In A Mood For No Reason – Sometimes we just wake up and immediately hate everyone. It happens. Our boyfriends, our family, a random stranger standing next to us in Starbucks. And a weird part of our brain is desperate for someone to do something to piss us off. Go on, man on the train next to me, accidentally bang your bag against my leg so that I can growl at you. Please.
8) Discovering Random Knots In Your Hair – Oh, hello there Absolutely Huge Dreadlock, where did you come from? Seeing as I brush my hair multiple times every day, I’m surprised you slipped through the net, but you’re so fucking huge you look like you’ve been slowly forming for at least a year.
9) Smashing Your Favourite Product – We’ve all smashed a bronzer, highlighter, eyeshadow, blusher, or general powdered product at some point, and it’s heartbreaking beyond compare. You want to curl up in a ball and sob all day. A £32 highlighter is now ruined, so what’s the point in existence? What’s the point in anything?
10) Making A Bestie In The Toilets – Drunk girls in club toilets make the bestest of friends. You lend a girl your hairbrush or your eyeliner, and next thing you know she’s crying on your shoulder about your ex boyfriend and you’re telling her how amazing her figure is. You feel this could be the start of a wonderful and life long friendship, but truth be told, you’ll never see her again in your life.
All my love BGP xx