1) Backless Things Are A No Go
I love backless dresses, playsuits, jumpsuits and tops – but the difficulty is, you can’t wear a bra with them. And small boobs without a bra…I may get confused for a 12 year old boy. So I have to wear stick on pads; however they don’t have much to stick onto, which makes them fall off. Plus stick on pads don’t give you a cleavage. Fuck sake.
2) Wondering How You’ll Ever Breastfeed
You know that boobs grow when you’re pregnant, but sometimes you look at yours in the mirror and hope that your future child doesn’t have much of an appetite.
3) Online Shopping Is Hard
All the models seem to have a decent C/D cup – how on earth am I meant to know what my miniscule boobs will look like in this top?! Hmmm?! Somebody PLEASE tell me!
4) You Always Thought You Were A Late Bloomer
You weren’t even too worried when you were 17 because you heard stories of your great great grandma waking up one morning to boobs the size of watermelons, however you’re now in your mid twenties and boobs? Still nowhere to be seen.
5) Your Mum Has Big Boobs
And you’re wondering where the hell yours went. Isn’t she meant to pass down traits like that? How did they get lost? Why do you have your dads boobs? E.g. none.
6) Chicken Fillet Fears
If you’ve ever worn chicken fillets you’ll know the pain; not only is it extremely sweaty and itchy, but you live in constant fear that they’re going to fall out and you’ll have to move to a farm in Peru for 25 years before you dare return due to the embarrassment of everyone seeing your Primark fillets.
7) Bikini Struggles
Your chest is a size 4, and your bums a 12. But all bikinis seem to be sold in sets…right, can that be sorted out ASAP please? I won’t get a pair of size 6 bikini bottoms past my knees, River Island, just FYI.
8) The Gape
You wear a padded bra, it’s great – you have boobs for once! Except that when you lean forwards, your bra gapes forward because technically you don’t really have anything to fill it, and your nipples are exposed to the world. Soz random old man in the street who I’ve just flashed.
9) Other Peoples Small Boobs Make You Happy
The Dizzee Rascal ‘Holiday’ music video features a beautiful woman with an amazing figure…with small boobs! Dancing around in her bikini with old Dizzee, bumping and grinding…God did that make me happy. There’s usually a flock of boobilicious women prancing about making me feel even more like a pre-adolescent boy.
10) They’ve Sorta Grown On You
Well…they haven’t actually grown. But they’ve become part of you – especially the fact you don’t get back pain and they’re too small to be taken down by gravity. You’ve got used to it being a good day when you can fill up a B cup, and to seeing 14 year olds with bigger cleavages than you. It’s time to accept that you’re a fully fledged member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
All my love BGP xx