I hope you’ve all been well.
A few weeks ago, probably nearing on a month now, I wrote a blog post for you all called Moving On & Finding Strength (my most popular blog post of all time, so thank you so much for all your amazing words!) where I shared with you the end of my 2 year relationship, and I spoke to you briefly about how I was feeling.
I wanted to catch up with you, and update you, as I know a lot of you are also going through break ups, and it’s almost comforting to hear that what you’re going through is normal and that you’re not alone.
I am feeling the strongest I have ever felt in my life right now, and that is the absolute truth. It’s quite strange for me, as experiencing anxiety for many years, and being so devastated at the end of my relationship with someone who was my best friend, I thought that even a month on I would still be an absolute mess.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying ‘Oh I’m completely over him and the happiest I’ve ever been!’. He was my best friend, and he is someone that I will always care about. We travelled together, experienced so many things together, and he will always have a place in my heart, as I hope I will with him. But just because you deeply care about someone and love them, it doesn’t mean that you are right for each other or should stay together.
Things were not 100% right, we both had different priorities and outlooks on life, and even though our personalities complimented each other a lot of the time, they also made us clash.
We are on completely amicable terms, which I’m glad about, and I wish him well. The experience of grieving over a lost relationship has strengthened me in ways I never knew it would. My self worth and respect is the best it’s ever been, and I feel like I can conquer the world.
I know that lots of you reading this may be completely devastated over the loss of a relationship, and I promise you that it will get better. It may not seem like it now, but it will.
The day my relationship ended for good, the holidays we had booked were cancelled and I knew that was it, there was no going back, and I felt like the world around me had crumbled. Everyone was getting on with their lives and I just didn’t know how, I couldn’t comprehend how the world was still turning when my world had completely stopped and ended.
What I had to keep telling myself, was that I had no choice but to carry on, push through, be strong and get on with it. I have a business to run, which is the ultimate love of my life and always will be the thing I am most proud of. I have family, friends, I am young and have everything to live for. I couldn’t let that awful experience destroy me. Each day was a struggle, and a learning curve, believe me, and it still is.
Of course I am still hurting, I miss him, I think about what could’ve been; but I have been half a person for 2 years, interlocked with someone else, and now I am an individual again, I have no one to answer to and only myself to rely on.
I am happy, I am strong, and so are you. If you’re reading this and wondering how on earth you’ll ever be happy again, just know that you don’t need to worry about how and why, just know that you will. Be patient, it will happen.
All my love BGP xx