BLOGMAS Day Thirteen: How The End Of Me Became The Beginning Of Me

”For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen; a gaseous nebula must collapse.

So collapse.

Crumble.

This is not your destruction.

This is your birth.”

Hi everyone, and welcome to Blogmas Day Thirteen.

I’ve honestly been loving the more personal blog posts that I’ve been writing recently, and all of you seem to be as well, so I’ve decided I’m going to continue with them (I have some more Christmassy ones coming don’t worry!).

I’ve done two blog posts on the break down of my relationship; one when I told you all, and another one where about 4 or 5 weeks ago where I wrote about how much stronger I had become because of it.

Since that post, I feel that I’ve gone from strength to strength, and it’s so important that I share it with you all; there will be so many of you reading this right now that are heartbroken and feel like the end of your relationship is the end of your life, and I want to tell you that it’s not.

When I was in a relationship, I felt like half a person; when you’re with someone for such a long time, you become almost embodied in them, and totally engulfed. A lot of us lose ourselves when we get into a relationship, and I feel like I definitely did.

I was so scared when I became single; my routine was about to completely change, and life as I knew it was never going to be the same again. I knew that it was the end of the person I was, but what I didn’t realise then was that it was actually going to be a total new beginning for me, but at the same time, I was becoming me again.

A relationship ending can destroy a person, but I feel like that’s a positive thing. To get completely destroyed, because then the only place to go is up.

Relationships end because two people aren’t right for each other, or because one or both people have done wrong; in both of those situations, you lose part of your identity. When you’re with someone and you know it’s not working but you want it to, you desperately try to fit into their mould to make it work, and by doing that, you end up unhappier by default; a relationship that isn’t meant to be, will fail no matter what. It’s an unfortunate truth.

In the 2 years I spent with someone, I changed a lot. In some ways I changed for the better, in others I changed for the worst.

You learn to become less selfish in a relationship, because it’s not just about you anymore. But when you can tell that something isn’t working, and that you’re not suited to someone, but you desperately want to be, you continually put yourself under stress to try and become a different person, despite the fact you know it’s not the answer. But you do it, because you love someone.

Love isn’t a reason to stay with someone, or to change who you unfathomably are. You can love someone, and it can be a toxic relationship. You can love someone and not want to be with them. You can love someone and know that, unfortunately, it’s not going to last.

What I’m saying is, the end of a part of me and a part of my life, was the beginning of another part, or the restart of another part that had been put on pause for 2 years.

I know that people always say ‘Be yourself no matter what’, and sometimes it can be confusing, or easier said than done. However, what I’ve learnt this year, is that nothing is more important than that. You know deep down when you’re being who you really are, and you know when you’re not. Regaining your identity is the most refreshing feeling, and it feels like a weight physically off your shoulders.

If you’re with someone who makes you feel bad about being yourself, I can honestly say that when you’re not with that person anymore, it fills you with joy. Becoming yourself again is unquestionably a beautiful thing.

I feel like I’ve reached a point in my life where I can now say ‘This is me, this is who I am, if you don’t like who I am then that’s fine, but I’m not changing’ and that’s that.

I am beginning one of the happiest stages of my life; I am going into a new year as a brand new person, but at the same time, the old me. I am so excited for 2017, and putting 2016 behind me; the majority of it has been a rollercoaster, with more lows than highs, but as the months have drawn to a close, the year has gotten better. 2016 will be ending on a high for me, and I hope it does for all of you too.

For anyone reading this, who’s going through a break up and lost who they were during the relationship, read the quote at the beginning of this blog again and again and again.

This is not your destruction.

This is your birth.

All my love BGP xx

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