(ALL IMAGES IN THIS POST ARE COPYRIGHTED TO BRIGHTON GIRL PROBLEMS)
Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well!
It’s the 31st December, and we only have a matter of hours left of 2016. What a year it’s been.
It has been, by all accounts, the most eye opening, eventful, interesting, the most sad and the most happy year of my life.
I wanted to share with you all, in pictures and in words, how 2016 has been for me, what I’ve learnt, the ups and downs, and everything else that seems fit.
I hope you enjoy this post, and Happy New Year.
One of the best and most magical things about 2016, was the little bundles of joy that were brought into my life.
My sister, and 2 of my closest friends, all had babies (three little boys, would you believe!) and it made 2016 so special.
My little nephew and my friends two little boys, are all so beautiful and perfect, and it was honestly the best addition to the year, all this brand new life around me!
One of my friends little boys was premature, so him getting stronger and healthier and going home for Christmas was amazing too.
Honestly, I am not ready for babies at all in the slightest so having lots of little bubbas in my life that I can play with and feed and cuddle and then hand back when they start sh*tting and screaming is great.
2016 for my blog has been incredible; I’ve worked with so many amazing brands and people, and had some great opportunities, and some incredible things lined up for 2017 too!
I’ve learnt a lot as a ‘business woman’ of sorts; that sounds so silly, I get embarrassed saying it and I don’t know why because, well…I am, I guess? I started this whole Twitter/Blog situation with no intent other than something to do as a hobby, and it spiralled into something else. I had no idea about having meetings with brands, contracts, taxes, and I am not managed by anyone other than myself so I’m completely in it by myself.
I’ve had to learn a lot this year; I’ve worked with amazing people and not so amazing people. I’ve had people try and take advantage of me in my career, and I’ve had to grow an almighty backbone and stand up to them.
I’ve been featured in 4 magazines, had a multitude of interviews, attended my first blogging events, had meetings with brands and people I could only have dreamt of.
It’s been utterly jaw-dropping and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart; if you’re reading this, you are the reason for this happening.
I didn’t visit as many places as I would’ve liked in 2016, but I’m planning on making up for it in 2017.
I visited Iceland, Dublin and Amsterdam this year; I’ve been to Iceland and Dublin already but Amsterdam was a first. All were amazing, and I’d thoroughly recommend them. Iceland is somewhere that anyone who’s a keen traveller needs to go; extremely expensive but my God is it worth it. It is so beautiful and natural and it’s a once in a lifetime experience.
In 2017 I’m planning to go to Vegas, and a few European city breaks…I’d love to go to the Maldives too, but that is of course time and finances permitting!
LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS
My 2 year relationship ended in 2016; it was an extremely difficult time for me, as you go from seeing someone every single day, waking up every morning to them and creating lots of memories together, to just nothing. However, it was the right thing to do, and it has given me so much more strength.
I will speak further about this in the next part of this post, but as most of you know I experienced severe anxiety last year and this year, and so having a partner to lean on through that can be beneficial in some ways; being single means I’ve had to fully support and look after myself in that respect.
I’ve learnt so much about myself being single, and what it is I want and deserve. I’ve honestly really surprised myself at how strong I’ve been and how I’ve gotten on with my life. Don’t get me wrong, it was a struggle at the beginning, but I knew I had no other choice but to just get the f*ck on with it.
I went on a Tinder date (first time ever, and probably last time ever) and that also continued to resonate with me what exactly I do not want…and now, well, I don’t wanna jinx anything, so we shall see.
My anxiety really started affecting me in November last year, and came to a head in February, where I had a break down of sorts.
I stopped going out, I stopped wearing makeup (my greatest love in life), I stopped being me. I was so afraid of, well to cut a long story short, death, and everything that surrounded it, that I thought the best way to cope with it was to never leave the house, wrap myself in cotton wool metaphorically and keep myself safe.
In turn, what that did was make me severely depressed, because all I did was stay inside, and the times I did go out, I scraped my hair back, wore a hoodie and leggings and just didn’t want to be seen.
I started having therapy in January, and I went onto anti depressants in February. I couldn’t cope any longer; it was towards the end of February where I didn’t know how to manage my life anymore, I was so unhappy and just in this black hole of depression and fear. I didn’t want to go on, I saw no point in my life because of how I was feeling. I felt that if I was going to feel like this forever, then what was the point? It was too painful to carry on, I woke up every single day with a heavy heart and a feeling of dread. I had panic attacks every night, I was scared to go to sleep. Every Thursday when I saw my therapist I just broke down to her, telling her how getting through each day felt like getting through a year. I couldn’t read books or watch TV, nothing interested me anymore.
My life shrivelled up into an empty shell of it’s former self; it sounds so silly but because my weekends were spent literally sitting in bed, I’d order pizza because I had no motivation to even live my life let alone cook, and I’d start feeling extremely anxious when I knew it was about to be delivered. Doing something that for most people, is the most simple thing ever, answering the door to a pizza delivery, for me was something that filled me with dread.
In about September/October, I started to feel a big improvement in my mental health. In November, I honestly felt a weight lifted off me. I don’t know what it was, but I just realised that my panic attacks were non existent, and the anxiety symptoms I had previously experienced were barely affecting me.
Sorry that I’ve rambled on a lot in this section, but I just wanted to talk to you about how much my anxiety has improved. At the start of the year, I didn’t want to carry on with life because of how horrendous I felt every single waking hour, and now, I’m living my life as though anxiety is something I’ve never experienced.
Of course, I still get anxious and feel down, and I am still on my medication. Not so much for my mind, but because I came off of it cold turkey and had the worst migraines, head zaps, light headedness, and almost flu like symptoms, so I need to go to my doctor and get an actual set plan in place of how to come off of them slowly.
So yeah; mental health has had a HUGE IMPROVEMENT!
2016 has had it’s SHIT parts don’t get me wrong, and there has been lots of them. However, I want to talk about the good times.
Getting the train home from London with my best friends at 11am, still steaming drunk, finding everything hilarious.
Meeting my newborn nephew, and loving him more every single time I see him.
Drunk dancing with my 84 year old nanny on Christmas day.
Meeting Jo Elvin, editor of Glamour, a huge inspiration to me.
Climbing a glacier in Iceland, despite being so, so, ill, and necking half a bottle of medicine at the top to congratulate myself.
Drinking Rosè in the Blue Lagoon. Wine in minus ten degree temperatures. YAS.
Being really NOT OKAY in Amsterdam, and eating 3 doughnuts and 5 churros in 5 minutes. So good.
Thinking it was funny to pour an entire bowl of chilli roasted peanuts in my friends brand new designer bag when drunk. Grease stains for DAYS. Also smuggled a few menus and straws in there.
My 5 year old nephew using the word ‘Nob’.
Being out with my best friend, and walking to the toilet, when the person I fancied walked past. I tried to strut past looking cool, but whilst walking past the disabled toilet, someone opened the door and knocked me flat out. Smooth as butter, me.
Getting rid of all the dickheads in my life. A dickhead culling, so to speak.
I hope you enjoyed this post, and I wish you all a very Happy New Year.
STOP. PROSECCO TIME.
All my love BGP xx