Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well.
Welcome to the second post of my Let’s Talk About It blog series where I discuss ‘taboo’ subjects, to try and make them, well…less taboo?
My last post in the series was about Abortion, and I got such amazing feedback from so many of you, it truly did warm the cockles!
Today, I’m talking about a subject that’s very different, and very close to my heart; Death.
We all know what death is, it’s something that surrounds our lives constantly, and shapes them.
Dying is an inevitable fact for all of us, it’s the one certainty in life; well, that and tax, and that the second you end up telling your friends about a man and how you think he’s special, he’ll do something to piss you off.
Death was always the main reason for my anxiety, the anxiety that crippled me this time last year. Any act that could lead to death; attacks, illnesses, anything of the sort, would give me severe panic attacks and prevent me leaving the house. The knowledge that one day I would die, ate me up inside. The fear was like nothing I’ve experienced before. I felt sick to stomach everyday, and in the most ridiculous case of irony, I almost wanted to die, because I couldn’t cope with my life anymore, with the constant fear and dread.
The fact of the matter is, we are all going to die. It’s a horrible and scary thought, but it’s one that we cannot change.
I had months and months of therapy just to accept that fact; I am welling up as I write this as I remember crying to my therapist about how I couldn’t cope with the fear of death, and how it was shaping my life into a sad, miserable existence.
During my months seeing her, she taught me lots of things about life and anxiety and depression, and everything in between.
The thing I remember her saying the most, that truly resonated with me, was the following;
”I am going to die, you are going to die, everyone is going to die. Nothing you do, or I do will change that. We are all going to die one day. But you are here now, and as nothing can change the inevitable fact that you are going to die, you may as well spend the time you do have here, enjoying yourself as much as you possibly can, doing everything you want to do, and living your life. Otherwise, it’s all just been a waste.”
After months of simply being the brick wall she was talking to, it hit me; she was right. There was nothing I could do to change the inevitable outcome of my life, and whatever may be in between. All I could do was enjoy the here and now, and live the happiest life I could.
This blog post may not be the happiest, and I apologise if any of you experienced the same type of anxiety I did and this has made you feel worse, because it shouldn’t. You need to come to the same realisation I did, and it’s that you cannot waste your life worrying about things you cannot change. It’s a waste of time and it won’t get you anywhere.
There is physically not time for anything other than love, and laughter, and creating amazing memories with those who matter most.
Life is precious, and so, so fragile. Waking up each day is a blessing, one that you can never take for granted.
I took my whole entire life for granted for such a long time, until I had experiences which made me realise that I was living in a bubble, and in the real world, bad things happen, and so you need to appreciate all of the good.
Death is an inevitable fact for every living thing on earth; you can’t change it, but what you can change is how you spend your time whilst you’re here.
I wish everyone reading this the happiest and fullest life they can possibly live, and to stop worrying about the small things.
All my love BGP xx