Happier times seem so far away sometimes, don’t they?
You can literally look back at your life a week beforehand, and feel completely baffled at how things can be so different in just a mere 7 days.
I record all the highs and lows on my blog; I do not want any single person who reads it to ever kid themselves into thinking my life is a ball of happiness that involves eating out and trying out new foundations. I never want anyone to think that they’re alone in what they’re going through, and that they’re the only person currently crying in bed, feeling lost, feeling empty, and feeling like everything is falling apart. Trust me, you’re not.
”Strength grows in the moments when you think you can’t go on, but keep going anyway”, is one of my favourite quotes of all time, because it is so very true. It’s one of those quotes that when you hear it during a time of hardship or emotional turmoil in your life, and you pretty much think ”Oh fuck off with your stupid quote, I don’t feel strong, I feel weak and all I want to do is sleep and cry all day, and I want everyone to piss off and stop telling me things will get better because right now I really don’t think they ever will.”
When you’re out of whatever shitty situation it is that you’re in, you realise that you have got stronger, and you’re a better person for it.
In a past relationship, which was very toxic and very draining, I’d get dumped regularly for no reason, and beg for him back. Literally, beg. I know, I harp on about walking away from people that treat you like shit, yet I didn’t for a very long time, and would plead for him to stay with me. I had become emotionally dependent on his validation and his acceptance, and the thought of ever being able to survive without him (despite the fact I had done for several decades nearly, before meeting him) was unfathomable.
When I exited that relationship, I made a vow to myself, which was that I’d never, ever beg for someone to stay in my life ever again, and I have kept that vow to this day, and I hope that I always will. The point is, during that time, I didn’t have the strength to see how I’d ever not be in that mindset, ever not be begging and pleading, and ever not feel like that. However, as the quote says, strength grows in the moments when you think you can’t go on but keep going anyway, and mine did, just like yours will in every situation that tests you and tries you.
I can tell you hand on heart that I know when you’re going through a tough time and you’ve hit rock bottom, anyone telling you it’ll get better goes in one ear and out the other. No, I won’t bloody feel better so shutup, you think. I am never, ever going to feel better, I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life, and there is no way out of this depressing slump that I’m in.
And do you know what, it’s perfectly fine to think that. You don’t need to convince yourself it will get better, if you don’t want to. Just allow yourself to feel shit, for as long as you need to, because it will get better eventually. A lot of the time, it’ll get better a lot quicker than you think it will.
Whatever it is you’re going through, feel like utter horse shit, doubt everything you’ve ever known, cry and sob and wail; but just know, that you will wake up one day and it’ll hurt a little less and a little less, and one day it won’t hurt at all. Without knowing, you will have risen up from rock bottom.
Rock bottom is sometimes a blessing; when you’ve reached such a low point, the only way really is up, and it helps you to appreciate not being there anymore when you’re not.
I hope that whatever you’re going through, it gets better for you, and that you can find the strength and resilience to get through it and look forward to the happier times you have ahead.
All my love BGP xx