I hope you’re all well.
Today’s post, well it’s been a long time coming. I’ve written many a break up post, a ‘how to get over heartbreak’ post, and how to move on; however it had come to my attention that I’d never sat down and realistically, honestly written about being treated like crap by someone. For the purpose of this blog post, I’m talking about romantic relationships, however you can apply this to any toxic and one sided relationships you may have knocking about.
I’ve noticed that we are slowly becoming accustomed into seeing bad behaviour as some sort of ‘challenge’. ‘Let me see if I can change him, be the one to finally change him’. No. That is not your job, and your feelings aren’t some kind of intrepid game. They could very well change, but A) Is that likely? and B) Why do you even want to stick around long enough to find out?
When someone shows you how they really feel, believe them the first time, not the 16th or the 58th.
I’m all for giving second chances when they’re due; a blazing row where you both say things you don’t mean, and one of you perhaps oversteps the mark slightly, and apologises profusely. Hurting someone without realising, or making a genuine mistake. However, in 2018, it’s time to wave a big fat goodbye to, as they say so often in Love Island, ‘being mugged off’.
Having devoted a good portion of my teens, late teens and 20’s to people who quite frankly couldn’t give a fuck about me, and made it blindingly obvious a multitude of times, I’ve arrived at a place where honestly, it’s just tiresome. It becomes an extremely vapid existence that you’re living.
If you’re being treated like shit by someone right now, I can tell you now that nothing becomes more boring or tedious. No contact for days, plans falling through, critiquing you whenever the miraculous event of actually being in each others company happens; although it hurts at first, and keeps you desperately trying to impress them and tug them back to you, it soon becomes irredeemably boring. What used to perhaps set you on fire and bring out your competitive streak of thinking you could win them over and make them love you the way you love them…that soon disappears into the ether, leaving you not actually giving a shit that they haven’t text, and hoping they won’t either.
Being ignored is boring; it’s not fun, it’s not a challenge, it’s not some kind of push-pull game where it’s all done in jest to keep the spark alive. It’s done by someone who does not care about you or your feelings.
Being told you’re not good enough, or just not enough for someone in general, doesn’t automatically make it some kind of mind-fucking game where if you try hard enough, you can change their mind.
Not meeting up, not speaking on the phone, not even being worthy of a text asking how your day is going, or how that work meeting went, or how your sick grandmother is…it’s someone showing you time and time again, how they repeatedly disregard your feelings and are going to continue to do so.
The constant mind-fucking, being given an inch and taking a mile, in the way that if they do one thing that is slightly nice, but is actually just a normal thing for someone you’re romantically involved with to do, like compliment you, or send you a text, or put their arm round you, you instantly think they’re incredible and selfless, and that they really do love and care about you. Suddenly extremely small non-terrible things that they do become amazing acts of kindness; them holding hands with you for 3 minutes in public makes you think you’ve imagined all the other terrible things they’ve done and awful ways they’ve treated you.
I have gotten to a point in my life where I simply cannot be bothered with it. Life is too short. Why would I want to waste my own precious time on someone who thinks so little of me, that I am not worthy of simple respect? If you’re reading this right now, and going through this, I know that someone in particular will have popped into your head. All I say is this; get rid. Ignore, block, delete. What’s the point? You’re frittering away hours, days, weeks, months, sometimes even years of your life trying to prove to someone that you’re enough for them.
You shouldn’t have to prove to anyone that you’re enough; they should just know it. They should be fully aware of just how ‘enough’ and more that you really are, and have not one piece of doubt in their mind that they want you in their life.
We have found ourselves in a culture of worth-proving; trying to get the most amazing selfies we possibly can, or pictures of us dressed up for a night out, just so that the person we are trying to prove our worth to will see them. Post all the selfies and glamorous pictures you want; but don’t do it to show someone that you should be ‘good enough’ for them. The right person will think you’re more than good enough 1000 times over.
If you’re thinking that the person who doesn’t treat you right is going to move on, find someone else and treat them amazingly…let them. Why on earth would you want someone who treats you like you’re nothing? There are so many people who would, and will, treat you like the amazing person you are. All you are doing is delaying the process of finding them, by waiting around trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change, and probably never will, at least not in this lifetime anyway.
It’s time to say goodbye; goodbye to the ignorers, the cheaters, the constant showers of disrespect and disregard; goodbye to the person who makes fun out of the things that we love, makes us feel like we aren’t capable, makes us feel unattractive or like we could lose them at any time.
I can promise you now, that when you’re 85 looking back on your life, you’re not going to wish that you’d given it ‘one more go’ with someone who repeatedly treated you like utter horseshit. You’re only going to wish you’d cut ties a lot sooner.
All my love BGP xx