The Tinder Diaries 3 | The Wrong Man

(Bag available here if you’re interested)

Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well!

It’s time for the third installment of my Tinder Diaries, and honestly, I have been overwhelmed by all the amazing comments and messages from all of you! Who knew that anyone would care so much about my hopeless love life, and about VAT Adam?!

I’m afraid to say that this installment does not include VAT Adam, although the fourth post in the Tinder Diaries is about our second date, so fear not, he will be back.

So; I was on the train, and I saw a beautiful man. And I mean seriously unreal. My jaw pretty much dropped, I may have been drooling, a slight cardiac arrest may have occurred, who knows. He wasn’t that close to me on the train, but close enough to see he was a God of a man, and I fell in absolute LUST with him. Of course, I’m British, and so there was no way in hell that I was ever going to pluck up the courage to say anything to him. No, unfortunately, I’d probably never see Beautiful Train Man again in my life, and would have to continually replay a fantasy in my head of us getting married, having 4 kids, a Labrador, and a detached 5 bedroom house in West Sussex.

We made eye contact a few times, and I was like OH LORD I’M SMITTEN, and then he got off, and that was that.

Anyway, that night I was Tindering away my evening (as usual), when all of a sudden I got a match…and to my absolute shock, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL TRAIN MAN.

Not that I’d been that close to him on the train, but it was him! I could tell, by his face, hair, and even having the same coat on in his Tinder picture as he’d had on the train. IT WAS FATE! This never happens, ever. You see a beautiful stranger, say nothing, and then off they go, walking away from you, never to be seen again, both continuing with your lives. No, not today, not for me; the Universe obviously owed me one, and had reunited me with Beautiful Train Man. Oh, how we would laugh one day!

I could imagine us this Summer, in Cannes, enjoying an Aperol Spritz each outside a restaurant, basking in the sun, laughing about how we’d seen each other on the train, and thought that would be it, but no! Life had other plans for us.

We started chatting, and the Train Situation was not brought up; he obviously knew it was me (eye contact and probably the fact he heard my jaw hitting the floor of the Southern Rail carriage when I clocked him), and I knew it was him, and that was all that mattered. We were obviously meant to be; why even discuss what had brought us together?

We arranged to go for drinks the next day, and I was PANICKING. I felt sick. This all needed to go perfectly. Absolutely sensationally. I’d spent 2 hours doing my hair, worn a new top from ASOS and my best Zara heels, half of Charlotte Tilbury was on my face, I was ready for destiny. Beautiful Train Man wasn’t much of a texter, it seemed, so we’d barely spoken, but that was fine with me; more to talk about on our date.

I walked into the bar and he was already there. We hugged, I sat down, a waitress came over and took our drinks order, and we started chatting about holidays, careers, and all that jazz. We got along well, there was no immediate ‘spark’ really, but that was probably because we were both nervous, or in shock about the whole thing.

The whole Train Situation, I felt, was rather an elephant in the room, and needed to be mentioned after about an hour of chatting and moving onto our second drink.

Me: So, do you always get that train then?

Beautiful Train Man: What train?

Me: The one you were on the other day?

Beautiful Train Man: Sorry, I’m not following?

Me: You know, the train, where I saw you…

Beautiful Train Man: Erm…that definitely wasn’t me. I can’t remember the last time I was on a train, actually.

Me: …

Beautiful Train Man, it seems, was NOT Beautiful Train Man. I had gotten the wrong man.

No bloody wonder he hadn’t mentioned our brief interlude on the train…BECAUSE HE WASN’T THERE.

I literally sat there paralysed, wondering how on Earth to salvage this situation and not really offend him and make it seem like I didn’t want to be on a date with him, because of course, like Beautiful Train Man, Beautiful Man Who It Turns Out Wasn’t On The Train, was also beautiful.

Me: Ohhh, that’s funny! You must have a doppelganger then, I thought I saw you the other day! Haha oh how funny is that then…

After that, I was sitting there thinking ‘This is the last time I ever, EVER start fancying a stranger, because LOOK WHERE IT GETS ME. I am wearing an eye mask any time I get public transport from now on and for the rest of my life’.

My dreams of holidays to Cannes, the Labrador named Teddy, the West Sussex pile with beams and oak flooring and an aga…they had dispersed down the drain, essentially. In their place was me, sitting in a bar with a stranger, drinking my prosecco, and realising that I was an absolute fucking idiot. Also, I’d already told the world and their dog that I was going on this date with someone I’d become obsessed with on the train, and now me and my fat mouth were going to have to tell everyone I’d not only started talking to the wrong person and gone on a date with them, but also essentially told them they were the wrong person. Great. Brilliant.

The date was fine, he was nice and we got along well, but I just feel like it was one of those situations where you both kind of know that each other isn’t the right person for you (hahaha – not the right person in every way), and that’s that; also, the fact that my mind wasn’t really completely there after I realised I’d essentially gone on a date with the wrong person. IDIOT.

We spoke a little bit after the date and it kind of trailed off, which is fine; I’m not entirely alone, I have VAT Adam asking if I need any help with my taxes, specifically my VAT (I reckon he still thinks I don’t know what it is), and me and him went on a 2nd date which is what my next post is going to be about.

I hope you liked this post, and your third installment of my Tinder Diaries! I pray to God none of the men concerned A) find out this is me or B) ever read these posts because that would be horrific. I will be back soon to tell you about my 2nd date with VAT Adam in a few days time…

Speak soon!

All my love BGP xx