(On a solo breakfast date with my number 1, e.g. myself)
Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well.
Today, I want to talk about self worth, or more importantly, recognising your own.
I’ve put up with a lot of shit in my time when it comes to relationships and dating. I have let people disrespect me time and time and time again, and I’ve allowed it.
I have thought it was acceptable to be called every name under the sun by a partner, be deserted on dark streets drunk and alone by someone who was meant to care about me; I’ve not said a word when an ex boyfriend didn’t see me on a milestone birthday because his own plans came first, I’ve thought it was fine to not hear from someone I’m meant to be in a relationship with for days on end, to be cheated on, to be treated like absolute shit. I’ve forgiven, again and again, but not forgotten.
Up until very recently, I would say I was truly lacking self worth. I allowed myself to be walked all over, I thrived off bad behaviour. The last 6 months of being single has taught me some truly valuable life lessons, and taught me a lot about myself and what I deserve.
I give everything when I’m in a relationship, literally everything, There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them, and I’ve always felt this was a downfall of mine because it has opened me up to people who will take advantage of that. I’ve had years of being warned continually by family and friends to change how I act in relationships because it opens me up to being fucked over. I’ve realised recently, that actually, that’s not true. The right person will not take advantage of kindness, they will return it.
Like many of you, I have literally spent years of my life being mistreated by people, and the 6 months I’ve spent on my own has been invaluable for teaching me about my own worth.
I’m sorry, but I am not putting up with shit anymore. Don’t wanna text me back for a few days when we are meant to be in a relationship? Bye. Cheat? Cya. Prioritise going out and getting drunk every single weekend rather than spending any time with me? Ciao hun. I’m not doing it anymore. I will only be breaking my spell of singledom for someone who shows me respect and never makes me doubt how they feel about me.
I’ve been looking back on the years of my life I dedicated to men who had someone that would’ve given them the world and they threw it away, and I don’t feel bitter and angry anymore. I used to feel so wronged and think it was so unjust that they’d treated me a certain way, and they were now getting on with their lives. I couldn’t care less anymore; it’s cliche, but it really is their loss. It’s not my loss; I didn’t lose anyone, they lost me by treating me badly and not deserving the love I gave them.
Whether they’ve already realised it, they will one day, or they never will, I don’t care anymore. I’m not even resentful; I wish them the best because they’ve allowed me to now be on my own and in the most amazing position in the world. I am completely free and single, and I can now find someone who does deserve me. The culmination of all those shit, heartbreaking experiences over the years, have made me finally realise my own worth.
I am worthy of someone who wants to see me on my birthday, of someone who wants to make sure I get home safely, who doesn’t want to go days without speaking to me, who would never dream of making me feel like I wasn’t loved or wanted, who wants to build a life together and doesn’t disrespect me.
I am happy by myself, and I have no need for anyone in my life at the moment, so if I do end my singledom for someone, they’ve got to be worth it, and never make me question my self worth.
Self worth is such a dangerous thing, because someone else has the power to completely take yours away from you. I am done with giving anyone that power ever again; I think back to entire weekends spent laying in bed, crying 16 hours a day over one person, actually feeling like I was in physical pain. I’ll never do it again. The first time someone makes me feel that horrific, I’ll be gone.
You do not need someone who doesn’t think you’re amazing and tries to bring you down; you don’t need to waste the precious years of your life with someone who only wants to see you past midnight in the comfort of their own home; you do not need someone who makes you feel shit about yourself and like you’re not good enough.
Please, if you’re reading this, don’t stay with someone who makes you question your own worth. It’s self destructive and so unhealthy. You’re worth the world, huns.
All my love BGP xx