Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well.
It’s been a while; I have had a lot going on, I’ve been on holiday and moved house and generally had loads of stuff going on but I am 100% back now.
I recently got back from Dubai and it was literally the happiest time of my life; I have never felt so calm and content, at least not since I was in the womb anyway. Alongside drinking cocktails that cost the same as a deposit on a studio flat and desperately wishing I could move there, I sat and thought alot about what’s been going on the past year or so.
I’ve changed so much over the last 8 and a half months or however long it’s been since I became single for the first time in well over 4 years, and the stuff I’ve learnt about not only myself but relationships and life and everything that comes with it has been very much welcomed into my brain that had become a place that thought it was normal to not receive a text for 5 days from my own boyfriend.
I decided to put together a list of what I’ve learnt, and I hope it serves you well, whether you’re in a committed relationship, or you’re in a committed relationship with a bottle of Echo Falls (me).
1) Reliability is Good – When you’re in a toxic, one sided relationship, it’s so draining that you almost try and make yourself think it’s ‘fun’ and ‘exciting’ and it’s a ‘chase’. It’s your way of dealing with it and managing to get through. Throughout the last few months, I have come to realise what’s actually fun and exciting is reliability. Knowing someone likes you and wants to see you, and will tell you that, is so much better and more satisfying than some little prick who only WhatsApps you when he wants something, and yes, that can include someone you’re in a relationship with. Not knowing where you stand with someone isn’t stimulating, but reliability is.
2) It Really Does Happen For a Reason – In the midst of my breakup, I really did think my life was over. I was literally devastated, and could not physically foresee a time where I’d ever feel real happiness again. Little did I know, that breakup would be the best thing that would ever happen to me. It’s taught me to try and look past awful times and situations, because you don’t know the positive things they can actually bring.
3) Game Playing Is Not For Me – I finally got thrown back into the world of dating after years of being in relationships, and all this has taught be is that I really cannot be fucked with game playing. I’m (unfortunately) not a teenager who has years of mistakes to make and time to waste with men who think it’s absolute lols to post pictures of them draped over girls in nightclubs, not text me for 4 working days and have their phone glued to them no matter where they go for fear I might see they’re messaging 280 other females from the general Sussex area. Not texting back for an entire day just to play ‘hard to get’ when you’re a man in his late twenties/early thirties is not something on my agenda anymore huns; they are probably the same men that think periods are disgusting and that ‘natural women’ are best but they still expect flawless skin, long hair and lashes, a perfect tan, big lips, boobs and bum and a tiny waist. Off you fuck Steve.
4) Don’t Take Shit – It’s best to nip any shit in the bud immediately; if it’s really bad then get rid, if it’s rectifiable then a firm warning and one more strike and you’re out rule should do the trick. When you’re single for a while, you get comfortable with yourself and basically make an internal decision that you’re fine by yourself and anyone who’s gonna change that can’t bring any unnecessary stress to your life.
5) Be 100% Yourself – I have changed myself so many times for men. Dressed to please them, worn less makeup, read books I don’t like, watched films I hate, listened to music that I despise, all to impress them, fit into their mould and make them want me. I did it with my exes, and I won’t do it again, because if a relationship is based on false pretenses it will never work anyway. I love music many would describe as ‘shit’, watch cringey films, slather myself in layers of fake tan, swear quite a lot, drink prosecco like there’s about to be a world shortage, and have a blog I document my life on. If Daniel, 29 from Stevenage doesn’t like that then it’s his loss because when I stop eating shit, drinking so much, work out and calm down a bit when I drink I’m gonna be an absolute CATCH.
6) If You’re Not Feeling It, Don’t Go There – I’ve gone on dates with people and been speaking to people who are seemingly ‘perfect’ for me, except I am just not feeling it. Everyone around me has been like ‘Oh just go on another date with him!’ or ‘He seems really nice, just see him again and you’ll end up liking him’. What I’ve realised is I literally don’t have to see anyone I don’t want to see, I don’t owe anyone anything, and if it’s not there for me then it’s just not there, which brings me onto my next point…
7) When You Know, You Know – I used to think my feelings of discomfort, or not being sure about somebody, and thinking hopefully they’d start treating me better/change their behaviour were normal and that I’d be 100% sure about them soon. I have learnt over the last few months that you know when someone is right for you and you know if they’re meant to be in your life or not. People ask ‘But how do you know if someone is right for you?’, but you honestly do just know. They slot into your life easily, make you feel comfortable and happy, and you’re content and not stressed from dealing with someones shit all the time.
8) You Deserve More – I think when we’ve gone through months or even years of being treated like shit,we become accustomed to it, we think it’s what we deserve and that it’s normal. We go out looking for people who will continue to treat us like that, to reaffirm our own warped view that we aren’t worthy of normal love. I’ve learnt over the course of the end of last year and the entirety of this year, that I do deserve someone who doesn’t treat me like a twat, spends time with me, priorities me amongst other things in their life, isn’t wasting my time and genuinely cares about me. I literally reached a point where I was like ‘Nope, no more, if I get together with one more time wasting prick I will move to Kathmandu and take up cross stitching cos I can’t deal with this shit anymore’, and I’ve vowed to keep that promise to myself no matter what.
9) You Don’t Actually Need Anyone – I have realised I really, really don’t need anyone romantically involved in my life unless they benefit it rather than add stress and negativity. If they make me happy and add good things to my life then great, but if not then…bye felicia.
10) Valuing the Experiences – I have gotten to a place where I am glad of all the shit in the past. I’m happy I was cheated on, treated like shit, been called every name under the sun, been dumped – I never thought I would, but it’s made me away more resilient person, taught me exactly what I don’t want in my life and the kind of people I don’t want, and also given me a much higher sense of self worth. I am so glad it all happened, as it makes you appreciate meeting someone who wouldn’t dream of treating you like that, and it makes you value being out of those truly horrible situations.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post, no matter what your current situation.
All my love BGP xx