The Christmas Diaries 2018 | Day Five

Dear Diary,

It’s Boxing Day; my annual day of mainling as much food and alcohol as I possibly can into my body in as little amount of time as possible.

I don’t know why, but I seem to drink more on Boxing Day than on Christmas Day. I was blessed with Irish Catholic grandparents who didn’t use contraception, so my grandma popped out about a dozen children in a decade, meaning that me and my cousins are all a similar age as our parents all began reproducing at the same time. Paired with the fact we have very similar DNA, it means we all love a drink.

Anyway, my point is that today I’ve been drinking. And eating. And sleeping. A lot.

Nothing of much substance happened today, other than I consumed more calories than the average person does in a 10 week period. The day began with a large slice of coffee and walnut cake for breakfast (by large I mean half the cake), followed by the entirety of the leftover tray of gammon. This was continued with Pringles, pasta, a huge bowl of leftover Christmas dinner, chocolate cake and double cream, and 15 gallons of prosecco. The evening was rounded off by half a box of Lindor chocolates and an overflowing reheated bowl of cauliflower cheese.

The bloating that ensued was not dissimilar to what a woman on the Maternity ward may look like when she’s 9 centimeters dilated and about to start pushing. I was in physical pain. Emotional pain. Spiritual pain. And try as I might to ease this pain, by changing position, having a hot bath, some lemon water, and going to the toilet (we’re all adults here), nothing seemed to combat the deep set pain inside me, from overindulging in alcohol, carbohydrates, 15 portions of potatoes and multiple slices of cake.

I refuse to feel guilt; Boxing Day is for indulgence, gluttony, and much resting. It is not for going out; gone are the days where I would venture out of the house on Boxing Day, in search of men and G&T’s and clubs playing David Guetta remixes. To be honest, you’ve caught me on a good day if I’ve got a bra and deodorant on, on Boxing Day. If I’ve brushed my hair, I’m making an effort.

I’ll speak to you all soon when I have further news to share that doesn’t involve snorting sausage rolls and Kettle Chips.

Speak soon.

All my love BGP xx