Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well.
I don’t know when I first got my heart properly broken; I probably thought I had done at age 12 when I split up with my Year 8 boyfriend. Looking back, I envy those kinds of simple, clean cut breakups. At most, you’d have an awkward Maths lesson once a week and have to return their hoodie. They had nothing on adult breakups, that involve screamed words, possessions flung into Sainsburys Bags for Life and travel suitcases with venomous desperation and cancelled Mediterranean cruises at best, and at worst involve divorce, children, and buying someone out of a semi detached 3 bed.
I started thinking the other day at the fact we use the turn of phrases ‘get over’ and ‘move on’ when referring to break ups, as though years or even months spent building a life with someone can just be wiped away like a BIC whiteboard marker. In reality, it’s not that simple. We don’t forget the things we go through, or that happen to us throughout our lives.
A lot of things that happen to us, our brains shove to a little compartment that we don’t consciously think about, but is subconsciously there. Other stuff that happens, is in the forefront of our mind and we think about everyday. Either way, it’s still there, and it’s still happened.
Similarly to grief, you don’t get over the loss of someone, or of a relationship, whether they’re alive or not. Your life, in time, adjusts around the loss, but it’s always there. It has changed and shaped you, and your life, in some way.
Since my first ‘proper’ boyfriend at the age of 15, and the subsequent relationships and breakups since then (of which there’s been a lot), each one has remained with me. Albeit, a lot I’ve taken things from and learnt from, which can only be positive, I still carry the less positive things with me even years later, as most people do.
You gather up the remnants of what has happened form each relationship, and pack them away into your own Emotional Suitcase (baggage) and then take it to the next one, empty it out, and start again, and with each one you add more to it. Nothing ever gets taken out, it just might become less visible under the pile of shit that’s grown on top of it.
You never actually get over heartbreak, or a relationship breaking down, you just learn to live your life with it as best you can, which hopefully, is pretty bloody well.
All my love BGP xx