(First boy to ever feature on my blog…if this fucks up, I’m changing this picture to one of me with my head in my hands because WTF I ACTUALLY GIVE UP)
Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well!
It’s been a long ol’ time since I wrote a love/relationship/dating post for you all. I started my blog back in 2013 and it was pretty much exclusively what I wrote about back then. Fast forward 6 years, a few relationships, and many dates later, and I tend to post more about an overnight stay in Sussex or a roast dinner these days – and to be completely honest, I miss writing about breakups and my love life and all that jazz.
I asked on Instagram what you wanted me to blog about, and so many of you said all of the above; breakups, how to get over someone, how to make a relationship work; all topics along those lines.
I’ve written a lot about breakups and how to move on in a general sense, but I’ve never really talked about moving on with someone else.
I am the Queen of Failed Relationships. I have been on, and my boyfriend will sigh and mutter ‘thank you so much‘ when he reads this, a lot of dates in my time. Most have led to nothing; a lot have been a date singular, some have been 3 or 4 dates, some have led to me seeing them, and some have led to a relationship. All of them, apart from my current boyfriend who I pray to God is the last person I ever have to go on a date with, have led to them either going nowhere, or a breakup.
I’ve also had a fair few relationships, and most of them have gone to shit too. I’m not the girl who’s on speaking terms with her ex. One of my friends still follows most of her exes on social media, and they all follow her too, because they’re on perfectly amicable terms, and will occasionally even reply to the odd Instagram story with ‘The family’s looking well!’. I envy the friendliness of it all; I have precisely one ex boyfriend on social media, and that is only because after we broke up and were repeatedly on and off, he drunkenly added me on Facebook one night and I forgot to ever delete him. Flattering, I know. The rest of them, we are most definitely not on what most people would call speaking terms. I frequently get myself into a panic when I imagine bumping into one of them in the milk aisle in Sainsburys, or in some freak coincidence being wedged into the window seat next to them on a flight to Bruges.
There were times when these boys, these men (I never know what to call them), the thought of not having them in my lives felt like I’d been stabbed repeatedly in the chest, and then my bloodied, bruised heart had been ripped out, used in a game of 5 a side, and then stuffed back in. This is why, when I get Instagram messages from people telling me they’re heartbroken over someone and literally cannot get out of bed, I fully understand how they feel. I have been there, done that, not just got the t-shirt but bought the entire franchise. I know how you feel.
What I also know, completely and utterly, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, is that you will get over it, and not just that, but you’ll love someone else again. And sadly, probably quite a few more people before you find The One.
At the time, in the very midst of being utterly debilitated from a break up, the thought of anyone else makes you want to retch, but anything good takes time, trust me.
I am notoriously bad at deleting pictures from my phone, and I’m currently sitting at about 72,000 in my Camera Roll, which means there’s a hell of a lot of history in there; I don’t have the will nor the patience to sit there dithering over what pictures I may need and which I can safely delete, so filling up space after space over the years are snaps of me and whoever I happened to be co-habiting with at the time. My boyfriend thinks it’s absolutely bizarre I haven’t deleted all the pictures, as on my Camera Roll Memories it’ll come up with images I took 1,2,3,4 years ago and so on. As they pop up, if it’s a meaningless picture I will delete it, but I find it so interesting when one of an ex does crop up, as I remember vividly how once upon a time it would’ve made a piece of me die inside, and now I feel nothing but pure indifference. I laugh, delete it, and get on with my life.
You go through life and relationships, and you learn more as you go along, and take things with you, so that with each relationship and romantic encounter you’re a different person to who you were before, and you know more and have learnt more, so that hopefully, the same things don’t happen again. Each love will be different as you get older, and that’s a good thing.
What I’m trying to say, in the most roundabout way ever, is that you will move on, and not just that, but you’ll fall in love again too. I can promise you that.
All my love BGP xx